Readers Letter . . . .
May 12th, 2011
Have the tree-hugging otters won the day?
Dear Sir,
Earlier this year several local insomniacs noticed a flurry of new documents being added to the section of the Carmarthenshire County Council website dealing with the controversial Cawdor supermarket planning application.
Industrial Unett
The new documents were submitted by Owen Banks Planning and Development, agents for Mr Davies, and responded to various unfounded concerns expressed by a range of public bodies on matters including traffic and road safety, the load on the town’s creaking sewage system, wildlife and the impact of pile driving and other work needed to stabilise and shore up the site.
The good news is that none of this presents a problem, according to Owen Banks.
Jeremy Clarkson
Although the supermarket would, the developer claims, bring in many more people to shop in town, there will be practically no increase in road traffic.
Although hundreds more people will be using the site on a daily basis, the load on the town’s sewage system will be reduced.
Although the northern boundary along the river will need more than 70 piles driven to a depth of around 60 feet, in addition to the pile driving needed to underpin the actual supermarket building, local residents need not fear for their properties as there will be no vibration.
Otter terror
Unfortunately however, claims by the developer that heavy machinery could be brought in to the land between the site and the river Teifi itself without disturbing the wildlife or vegetation have been rejected by the council on the advice of the Countryside Council and others. All of which goes to show how our public bodies have caved in to the tree-hugger lobby, and now value the life of a few mangy otters over an exciting business opportunity.
Quite how this will be achieved is not spelled out in detail, but there is speculation that some very innovative and even revolutionary solutions will be brought to bear.
Berlin Air-lift
Given that customers and deliveries will not be allowed to use boat traffic on the Teifi because it might upset the otters, and given that there will be no significant increase in road traffic, the only way in will be by air. Deliveries and customers will depart from the airport in Haverfordwest on scheduled flights and will be dropped by parachute onto the site.
Badger Cull
The ridiculous red tape which is such a burden on business in this country insists that buildings of this kind must be equipped with lavatories, even for the disabled. Political correctness, yet again! Allowing all of these weak-bladdered OAPs to make free use of the toilets would risk an increase in the load on the sewage system and possibly a catastrophic backing up of waste leading to an explosion and the collapse of the entire site into the Teifi.
The resulting tidal wave, possibly up to 50 feet high, would send a wall of raw sewage, Vauxhall cars, asbestos and TB-ridden badgers sweeping down the Teifi Valley, with consequences too horrific to contemplate when it hits the bottleneck of Cenarth Falls.
How Green is My Vallley?
In order to combat this, and to demonstrate the green credentials of the business, anyone wishing to use the toilet facilities will have to make a voluntary contribution of £15.99 before being given a key.
Elf and Safety Gone Mad
It is rumoured that a small local company, Tylwyth Teg Ltd., has been asked to deploy its revolutionary new polycarbon epoxy-resin gossamer system to solve the problem of land slippage. A spokesman for the company, Gwyn ap Nudd, said that all the work could be carried out late at night, and that residents would be advised to stay indoors if they wanted to avoid capture. Nobody would notice a thing.
Let’s hope now that all these ridiculous fears have been fully addressed, the County Council will at give this exciting and truly innovative project the green light.
Doris Morris
(name and address supplied)
